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Insert foul language here______.


Okay so now my body does not want to do what I would like it to do    I scream in my mind and try to be proper I want to scream the words my mother would wash my mouth out for (not that she did or would)    I am scared and crying I feel alone and no one can see when it is happening    I’d rather no pity but right now I feel like if the entire world were to wrap its loving arms around me….      This still would not make it stop    If I yell enough cry enough ENOUGH    I’ve had it I can’t put on a face that would make everyone feel comfortable to be around me    I’m tired today yesterday tomorrow    Power is so lame    I am so lame this is so lame    If anyone does read this and in the minutes you take to read this w-e-a-k in my weakness without moment(s) then you no longer are able to have compassion YES I am angry Why me?    On this day in this second that one and this ONE    I do not understand why    How strong can I be when this is what breaks me    I am shakin’ to the core    I go in and out trying to find deeper meaning but another second THIS second I cry again    Why this?    Pity pity pity so shameless    I do not care what anyone one sees because now THIS has me   PLEASE PLEASE see me I am not this                                                                                  

 

Insert foul language here______,________,_________.

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9 thoughts on “Insert foul language here______.

  1. i live with endometriosis and have since i was a teenager. i feel your frustration completely. my life is measured out in injections, pills, and doctors appointments. i feel the need to justify myself because i have a disease no one else can see. just know you aren’t alone. it is a real thing, and it sucks just about all the time. i might not see the disease, but i do see you. be well. xoxo

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    • I swear this day seemed like the worse. The only people that I know who really “see me” are my endo sisters like you. Thank you so,so much for the support. I wouldn’t know what to without it. i am here for you as well. How did you find this blog? Please take care as well. My heart is there with yours.xoxo

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      • every now and then when endo decides to ruin my day i go looking for endo blogs to see if other women going through it echo my experiences, of if i am just being a big baby about my life. often i find that my i’m not, and that this is real, and that the things i feel are pretty justified. i found you on this today, in this way, and i totally understood where you were, because i’ve been there. i don’t know what began your post, and i don’t know how it ended, but i’ve had those moments.

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  2. Like puddingthedamageon, I’m having a particularly shitty endo day and started browsing blogs to confirm it’s not all in my head. Thank you for being brave enough to write what you just wrote. Some days I’m just so tired, but you can’t just step out of your body and get a break. And it does become so difficult to separate this from who you are…there are people who get it :/

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    • i swear its the insanity of the pain and everything that comes along with ‘it’, that brings me to be this intense. It is very soothing to me as well to know that you and puddingthedamageon “see me” and really know this feeling. I appreciate the compliments of bravery as I read a bit of your blog as well. I really believe that all the experiences that endo brings us should always be heard by audiences that know nothing about this disease. Keeping our mouths closed just keeps this disease so “hush,hush”,its all in our “crazy brains. Actually today is another one of those days where the pain is very intense. I’ve had little sleep as well,so it adds to the isolation. So thank you for not even knowing it has been a horrific night/day/night for me. My heart is with you and so is my pain of empathy in every way that only “we” could know. xoxo -Summer

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      • I’ve had crazy insomnia since losing my pregnancy a couple of months ago. Nothing like that combined with ceaseless endo pain and hormones to push you over the edge. People have no idea. I agree that it’s good to write about it. There’s a real lack of awareness, research, education and consequently empathy on this subject. Especially considering how many women suffer from this. There are times when you really feel like you’re going to break. Someone told me I was “strong” the other day. I don’t even know what the hell that word means anymore. I just asked “What’s the alternative?” The person laughed, but I wasn’t joking. You just wake up every day and continue to exist…and sometimes that’s as strong as you can be.

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  3. I know exactly what you are talking about….I’ve been called “strong” too …its kind of annoying… I don’t have much of a choice …..I’ve had three MCs and no children….the post “10 things you don’t say to people after a MC”….the one I REALLLY hate is…” you can try again” …or “you can get pregnant again” or “you can adopt”…..I mean would someone say that after someone had lost someone that was”living”( i say only because people don’t seem to realize that you JUST lost your child) as in a brother or mother…..like”don’t worry you can try to have another insert here_______”… I hate it pisses me off …..i still get that from people…..I lost my babies!!!!! Im 35 and well i cant do it anymore …this last MC took a toll on me for about two years ….it almost ripped me and husband apart….i felt so alone in all of my MCs ….I was so deep in depression that I even contemplated suicide….. with my first two MCs I was with my 1st husband and he was physically and emotionally abusive….it was hell…I was totally alone in my feelings …..I guess it seems easier to others …even people who are close to me …..my heart is with you in many ways that some may not understand….i teared up when you said you just lost …it still hurts…..♥♥♥♥

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