Holding me back

It seems as though I can’t get ahead. I mean I am passionate about an idea then it slowly falls away. This has been frustrating to me as I feel as though I have had very intense and sincere periods of time that I KNEW what it was. What I KNEW would get me out of my endometriosis depression/physical pain.

I am so frustrated at this point. I blame it on my the laziness/apathy my husband has towards life that it seems to rub off on me.I know its me. I can’t him for my lack of lust for life. I seem to be doing well for a period of time during the month. I realize after being bed ridden for over a year and half it will take time and even writing my honest thoughts and feelings out loud seems to bring me to the bigger picture.

As long as I continue to start,slow down,fall away and then recognize this cycle maybe I can be REALLY honest with myself.

This is what I feel like right now and often. I go to sleep rather late between four to six in the morning,then I wake up around 2-4pm. I realize that this is not at all the goal I have been shooting for AT ALL. So this cycle doesn’t help to get to my goals AT ALL! I’ve haven’t had a real sleep schedule for many,many years. My husband’s sleep schedule does play a part in my sleeping patterns but not everything. I also have problems with pain keeping me up. I also have insomnia from anything. It could be from staying up because I need to get on a normal sleep schedule. It is also from anxiety not getting things done. It has MAINLY been due to my endometriosis.

So I have open up an account with blogger to start a about organic/natural living based on the changes I am SLOWLY making in my life based on endometriosis. I also connected this account with amazon to monetize on this account. I want to be able to write about everything that I am doing to make lifestyle changes. Reviewing about anything from books to cosmetics to research on pollution and what it does to us. That is what I have come up with SO FAR. I haven’t even began my bio page or my first blog because I have this idea that It has to be about a book I have read. I guess that just gave me an Idea to write about a book that I have done a meditation challenge,which in the last two days the author has announced she is doing another challenge. SO ,there is my first blog(s). Problem solved there.

Next I have said I would began to run again but as I said my cycle goes it starts.slows down and then I fall away from it. My idea was to get a membership at the Y because I can get one based on my income,which would be really cheap,but now I have to wait until I do my tax returns because the Y wants last years tax returns along with your application for the sliding scale membership i have also said to myself that I would run outside but I have never been big on running in the freezing weather BUT I have half of my clothing gear to start to run outside. So I’ll see about that.

So I coud go on and on but this small talk with myself has help me see the bigger picture.

Thanks for reading♥



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