excerpt from article– http://endometriosis.org/resources/articles/when-others-dont-understand
“It’s a sad fact, but there are some people in this world who simply aren’t capable of dealing with difficult challenges. They’re what my mother calls “fair weather friends.”
Despite honest and open communication on your part, some people still cannot (or will not) empathize or understand. They may react negatively when you can’t do the things you used to do. They may even try to make you feel guilty, as though endometriosis is your fault. Some people may even question your limitations, believing instead that you’re exaggerating or making it up for attention. These types of acquaintances will eventually undermine your health, your self-image, and your well-being. It is in your best interest to re-evaluate your relationships with “fair weather friends” who doubt your honesty.”
Quotes on “Fair-weather friends” –
“Don’t pity the girl with one true friend. Envy her. Pity the girl with just a thousand acquaintances.”
“Usually a good friend to begin with that eventually takes advantage of a true friend and does not maintain the SAME loyalty and respect. Without an explanation why, a fair weather friend may abandon a friendship altogether for superficial reasons or changes in moral beliefs without a care for nurturing fair discussion. The exception is when that person needs something, they know they can still count on an “all weather friend”
“Pointing the Finger”
There have been people in my life that have fit this description. These “friends” have not listened to me when I have told them that I can’t make plans. My body determines what I can or can not do. I’ve had to cancel plans due to throwing up ,so five minutes or an hour before I had made plans with these “friends’ I had to cancel on them. I would make up other reasons as to why I was canceling because I didn’t want endometriosis to take control of my life. I lied to myself and them, which made me feel guilty. I just stop making plans with these people because I didn’t want to let them down These “friends” never listened to me. I would feel as though I couldn’t have an honest conversation with them for fear of being judged. I would feel shame because I felt as though I wasn’t up to their speed/standards. I couldn’t tell them that I was puking my guts from pain from simply getting ready(taking a shower,putting my clothes on). I would pass out get up and hope that my body would stop what it was doing so I could follow through with the plans I had made. I can’t help that I am taking medication that keeps my pain down enough so I can do simple task, like take a make the bed,take a shower,clean the sink,make breakfast or any other task that seemed so simple before I had endometriosis.
There are people in my life that understand that I am only able to do what I can do. I don’t feel judged by them. They understand that they have to wait until I have a “good day” to phone them and tell them this is a good day for me, but if its not for them than I understand that they are busy that day. These are my friends who understand,give me compassion(they don’t judge me because I have to take meds),they make sure to call me every once in awhile to ask how I’m doing.
It has also been hard on me as I didn’t get to see my nephew born,I haven’t even met him. It hurts when I tell my sister that I can’t take a trip three hours away (I can’t sit on a bus for that long) to see my baby nephew. So when I have “friends” that don’t understand why I had to cancel on them an hour or so before it is planned. My sister understands why I can’t see my nephew (it hurts me to my core); so when a “friend” thinks I am disrespectful and a horrible “friend” for canceling on them but my sister is compassionate and loving and doesn’t accuse me of being a bad sister or aunt, it just puts things into perspective.
Thank you to all my loved ones who have given me love,support and for being patient. I wish I could make this disease go away so I could live my life the way I want to but as it stands, it is not going to happen. I am working on a lifestyle change so I won’t have to take medication(as I hate them myself) or be cut open every year but I’m doing this for myself. I know I’ll make new friends that will understand. I don’t need to live up to other people’s expectation on how one should live their life.