In the moment…

Each day is a gift. This can be broken done into moments,the present,a gift.

Each day of my life I have woken in pain. The pain is not only physical, it also includes my heart and spirit. There have been many days where nothing was done. Each day was taken for granted. Those days I ignored the world and even myself. The pain of depression itself can present itself in a apathetic attitude( if depression had an attitude). It can be dull and numb. I have suffered, when I sleep too much or had  insomnia. There are many “side effects” of deep sorrow.

My tragedy is that I never knew that I could change. For a very long time my being was lost. I traveled around finding small adventures. I have fallen in love but never with myself. I could only see myself when I was in the moment. Time has flown by.

I was never completely awake while I was awake;numb to the madness and the beauty. When I starting understanding that my anger was suffocating me, I push it off,like it was fire. I have had enough! Gone with the pain, let me begin.

I recognize my being. I see NOTHING  is permanent!  This is continuing, evolving. Growing. My entire toxicity was recognized. I know it. Suffering from physical,spiritual and emotional pain is so small. It has taken me YEARS, years to see this. I am  a small but very large part of this world of love. Love that shines out so i can really see inside and around. No other second is more important than this one!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yeah we all shine on, like the moon and the stars and the sun.-John Lennon

Don’t stop believin’ Hold on to that feelin’ -Journey